Hey peeps, so today has been an all rounder. Had an awesome day at work (yes I said awesome, surprised?yeah so was I). Work wise wasn’t too bad, i got the rear steet pipes changed they were pretty easy just awkward, but the side marker/indictor was a bitch, i actually said to JJ why didnt they stick with bulbs they are so much easier to maintain than LED lights. Got them sorted in the end. Got out of work listening to music with my boom boom box on so that was happy days (yes I have a sub, you may think sad twat but I love my bass don’t judge). Also saw a friend i work with whos moved to the VMU (vehicle maintenance unit for those who don’t know what that means) and since i started my page on facebook liked to this website blog ive added a bunch of people so its growing there too, Hayden (he’s cool and got his own story to tell I hope he will let me post it one day) said he saw my blogs and likes them. It’s such a good feeling when someone tells me they like this, as I said before that’s what makes it very worth it (not fishing for conpliments by the way, but they are a big confidence boost).
Then after work, this is where it gets emotional and I will say I cried I’m not scared to admit it, i went to the park with my son. He doesn’t get out much because of this covid shit, he’s got a very low immune system. So his mum has been keeping him in mostly, which is understandable but annoying because he needs fresh air and going to the park more often will do him good (but thats a rant for another blog, dont get me started, this is the emotional part of the blog) so basically going through the park i noticed something, something i didn’t really notice the other day due to it wasn’t this busy. Every time we passed people he would pretty much cower, like a dog going out for the 1st time ever and being scared of loud cars passing by, which I found pretty odd. Then I realised he’s scared to be around people because of this virus, he is actually petrified of being too close to anyone he doesn’t know. So yeah that pissed me off because, I’ve noticed this before now, she has been telling him everything about current events, like people getting sick and sadly passing away. So I tried to restore some faith in him as he is still only young (7 in a months time) and personally i don’t think he should be knowing the ins and outs of such a perilous time at a young age. Of course warming him things have changed because a sickness bug is going around so we have to wear masks and stay home as much as possible and only go shopping for stuff and walks for exercise, but to go into full detail has made him a nervous wreck and personally that pisses me off. But that being said I don’t want this post to be about that, because like I said it was emotional so lets get to that part shall we. Her chap dropped him off to me at the park (long story she wont let him come in car with me at the moment, don’t ask) so when it was time for him to go back home we were going in the direction of the carpark, where his mum’s partner was waiting, but due to us nit seeing each other very much lil man wanted to try staying out longer so we walked round the park the long way. Then we got back to the car and he was strapped in, we had a kiss and cuddle (me and my son, not me and his mum’s partner). He wouldn’t let me go and kept hugging and kissing me, which obviously I loved because he’s my son, but when i finally broke free from his grasp and said our goodbyes and closed the door, he just sat there staring at me, then I got to the other side of the car and he just kept staring and staring. Then i noticed a look in his eyes, if your a parent you will recognise this, the pure look of ‘I feel lost without you’, now I’m not going to lie this broke my heart, it took everything for me not to breakdown right there and then, but then another look from deep down appears, the look of PURE LOVE, the most innocent uncensored look of pure love. The kind of pure love only your kids can give you, and noone on this whole wide ball shape of an earth, even the universe can give you. You can’t explain it, its so hard to understand until you have felt and seen it. Noone, not even the love of your life, can give you a look like that. Not even your own mother. A friends love can’t even come a million miles within the diameter of it. It’s the most amazing feeling you can experience, and every parent feels it. It’s an amazing feeling but also fucking heartbreaking I kid you not. He didn’t break eye contact, and neither did I as he waved while i got in the car and blew each other a kiss and mouthed ‘I love you’. We only broke eye contact when the car pulled away, and that killed me there and then, I broke down on the carpark in my car because of my son, the only people that can make you breakdown that way is your kids.
THANK YOU FOR READING, ILL LEAVE IT THERE AS I DON’T WANT YOU TO LOOSE THAT FEELING YOUR FEELING NOW, AND ILL SEE YOU NEXT BLOG.