So I’m going to tell you a bit about my stutter (aka stammer) usually people in UK call it a stammer, while Americans call it a stutter (so my speech therapist told me). Personally I call it a stutter and so do other people I know. I’ve had it for as long as I can remember, I used to let it affect really bad, to a point id avoid talking a hell of a lot and I couldn’t make a phone call to save my life (or someone else’s for that matter). Luckily it never came to that and I’ve never been put in that position when my stutter was at its worst. Yes I got bullied like a bitch at school to the point I just wanted it to end, I’ve never really admitted that to anyone. when I look back at it now I think ‘shit did I really let it affect me to the point of ending it? That’s embarrassing’, I mean I’ve been through a lot more in the past 10 years than I ever did at school, and I’ve only ever been to depressionville twice (yeah another sneak preview to future blogs). Once when I 1st had to walk away from my daughter to protect her from the shit her mother put me through and another I probably wont ever talk about but hey you never know.
Its a very big thing for a man to admit he’s been to depressionville but it is so common everyone has either been there before or will do at some point in life. Many men will never admit it because they are men, men are supposed to be strong and not let anything get to them. But I’m afraid to say men are human too and shit affects us. Men need to open up more to their family, partners or a friend it’s not weak to show loved ones shit affects you, they can help.
Well don’t I just go on and on shit haha. Back to my stutter, well as I said I’ve had it all my life pretty much, got bullied at school, let it get to me and so through all that it just progressively got worse and worse, up till the point I could barely speak. I think I’ve been through every stage of having a stutter unlike many who have a stutter and either do this or that, but no dickhead here tried everything to overcome it. Well that didn’t work out for me much it just sent me to a new level of stuttering. Ok so I hope I’m not loosing you here, different stages I mean different types of stuttering, for example less noticeable its like a brain freeze, the words just don’t leave your head, and you open your mouth and nothing comes out (ok so basically its like turning your key in the car and the starter motor not spinning, so nothing happens). Then you get the stage where same happens but the words reach your vocal cords and you repeat the start or words or sentences (basically its like a 2 stroke engine, very fucking annoying, so you go th th th the c c cat i i in th th th the h h h hat). As I said some stages are fucking annoying and some are frustrating and some are down right embarrassing. Then you also got the “fog horn” stage, now this one is kinda funny (ill tell you why shortly) but also the most noticeable and embarrassing. Basically funny as fuck because peoples faces when it happens, damn that’s hilarious because if they don’t know you or understand a stutter it literally just sounds like a fog horn, only way to explain. My mate ash (ginger bollocks from my last blog, Never goodbye ginger bollocks, and a bit of emotion), loves this one I’ve had him in stiches before. So yeah that’s a couple of stages explained best way I can. Basically a stutter is like Tourette’s but different, yes you read that right, where Tourette’s you cant stop words coming out, a stutter you cant get your words out. See what I’m saying there. Its all about signals in the brain very complicated.
So with all that being said (if your still here), I’ve been through all sorts of speech therapy one on one, group therapy, relaxation therapy. Yeah they helped to an extent but I feel they ended up getting my stutter into different types of stutter because id use techniques to overcome each time which let to another tic basically. So using different techniques affected my stutter in different ways. Then I got to a point where I just accepted I got a stutter and it is a part of me, without my stutter I wouldn’t be the person I am today. The person who (sometimes) cant talk but still has a confidence level sky fucking high, yes that’s right I don’t let my stutter hold me back. I use it to make people laugh and make people know I don’t give a fuck, I’m me and there’s fuck all you can do about it don’t like it then go suck balls. My friends take the piss out of my stutter, its all in jest and I know they just joking the same way I do when I take piss out of them, but when someone’s taking the piss and they take it too far (my friends know when to stop) they end up having a headbutt on the end of their nose, simple as yeah?…. Fair? I think so. So yeah that’s my take and attitude on my stutter.
Thank you once again for taking time out your day to read, and ill see you next blog.