Hey peeps, hope everyone having a good saturday. I’ve been decorating a kitchen today, im getting good at this stuff. Also put up some cupboards, them fuckers were heavy, and those who know me know they must have been very heavy. As I’ve said before i can’t wait for summer, can start doing garden stuff again with a few cans and a bbq.
Pretty annoyed because trying to make a phone call to speak to my son and no answer, all I want to do is say goodnight, so I try calling a bunch of times. But thats perfectly fine (I call him the same time every day, it’s not hard is it?) But when the shoe is on the other foot and I miss a call I’m the worlds worse dad for not being there for my son. Then all the bullshit comes out to play, this that and the other and all my mistakes from the past come crawling out to be bitched about. Now I know I’m not the perfect father but there is no such thing. Like when I left i needed time to myself i didn’t want my son seeing me falling down the rabbit hole, it wasn’t long after my grandad passed away so I was in a bad way, and all I wanted to do was sort myself out but someone else’s problems were always more important. Like how are they going to pay rent or the bills because I was selfish to think of myself for once. In reality I’d do anything for my son and always have done and always will.
Things are better now, as I’ve put my foot down and as you can remember from a previous blog, I cut all ties so i could survive myself and it was the kick up the arse she needed to get off her ass and sort herself out, so she didn’t have to rely on her ex (me) as support and a money machine. But when it comes to phone calls it’s amazing to hear my sons voice he’s awesome. The only irritating thing is when I ask him a question like how have you been he’s got into the thing of asking his mother the questions I’ve asked him. He does that because he’s now conditioned, she’s done it for so long he just automatically expects her to answer for him. Before he done that I did try telling her let him answer for himself but she wouldn’t, and this is the outcome.
It’s frustrating because it seems like he hasn’t got his own voice, as I’ve said before he’s been diagnosed with autism so it’s already hard enough for him. He has his meltdowns and yes it is difficult but often she calls me and once he has a bit of time talking to me he’s more calm, more often than not. He has his obsessions, like he loves building and the world flags at the moment as well as cats and dogs, but when he has his meltdowns, with autism he can’t help his meltdowns, she takes away his obsessions which is the wrong thing to do in my eyes. Now shes changing the spare room into his school/play room (she home schools “because he won’t be able to handle school”, I think he needs to be at school now he’s coming up to 7 and needs that social interaction, even a special school would do him good, but he’s stuck in the house with only her and her new partner. So he lacks most social skills) so now all he has in his room is a bed.
Seriously though I don’t want to bad mouth my sons mother because well she’s his mum, and by all means I am definitely not saying she’s a bad mother, she does have it hard looking after him and I do get the fun times with him, so yeah I’m not bad mouthing her one little bit it’s just we had a relationship that turned sour. Both of our faults it takes 2 to tango and shit just turn shitty, it happens. Some things just aren’t meant to be. The best thing to have happened was my lil dude, and he’s amazing so can’t ask for anything more. Things between us are more chilled out, as you know it wasn’t always that way there were a few bumps in the road and yes we may never agree on everything but as long as lil man is happy and safe that’s all I care about. We may never be friends or best friends but at least we are now civil and lets hope to many more years or civilness, for the sake of my son.
THANKS AGAIN YOU AWESOME PEOPLE.