Hey peeps, Friday has come again.
This week has been a busy one, especially yesterday and today and tomorrow will be too.
Being busy at work makes me feel more alive, yeah it’s more tiring and more effort to be made but getting things dome feels more rewarding.
I’d rather be busy than standing there trying to look busy.
Onlynone more morning at work and the world is my oyster, I got shitnplanned to do but will still have plenty of free time I think, so I’ll try do some in depth blogs. It feels like I’m just writing a diary sometimes but people keep telling me it’s still awesome so maybe I’m doing good.
I still want to get some deep and in depth blogs, I’ve done them before and I really enjoy doing them so here’s to a week of hopefully some amazing blogs.
I’m also going to start bringing some of my old blogs back to life, with a bit of a rewrite and a tweak and a twiddle (yeah did I actually just say type that? Fuck it itself staying) but maybe remastered.
I think I’m getting good at this blogging thing now haha. Don’t worry though there will still be a hell of a lot more new blogs and old adventures I’ve not yet told you and hopefully some new adventures to come.
I can’t say too much but I’m pretty much going to be restartong my life again, one more time and sure as hell hope it’ll be the last. Let me just say I may be moving away, new job new place of residence, new life in effect.
Ok maybe just a new lease of life, as I’ll be carrying on with some existing factors. I’ll still have my friends and my family, they will just be a bit further away, and obviously I’ll still be seeing my son. Albeit a little bit less but I’ve been preparing him for it, as his mother is supposed to be moving away herself soon enough.
It’ll break my heart but it was always going to end up this way eventually, but no matter what I’ll take every opportunity and chance I can to see him.
Living in this one room alone, isn’t any good for me and there has been too much happened round here to allow me to move on with my life, which affects everyone round me really because it feels like I can’t be myself.
A fresh start is what’s needed, and if it isn’t done then I’ll just be stuck in this one phase in life that’s hard to get out of.
Too much shit in life can drag you down, and keep you down.
That is what’s happened and still continues to happen, and it will happen forever unless I make that change.
Yeah I’ll be seeing my current friends and family less, shit I’ll be seeing my son loads less, but there’s dads out there that only see their kids once a month. I won’t be that dad, I’ll still be coming back up to see him as much as possible, and at least twice a month without fail.
Maybe even get the chance to have him over a full weekend, like actually have him stay with me a whole weekend, I can’t see that happening with his mother the way she is but I can live in hope.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to move away from my son, but as I said it’ll happen sooner or later anyway with his mother wanting to move way up north anyway.
I’ve also been told by many many people you can put your life on hold for anyone, and your son will understand, hell he may even force his mothers hand to let you take him away at weekends at a time.
If today is any indication, that stands a damn good chance, I’ve had many phone calls today because she’s not been able to handle him very well, he’s had meltdowns many times today and the only times he’s calmed down is when he’s spoke to me.
Hey when I move away it’ll only be 1 hours drive away anyway, so I can be here in a flash when he needs me. No matter what I’d drive 20 hours just to make sure he was ok.
I’ll continue with the phone calls every day, the only thing that would stop really is the week day meet ups. Not many dads get that really do they?
It’s emotional that I’ll see less of him, but it is what it is. Life goes on and as I said I’ll be seeing him as much as possible anyway.
I’ve not told my boss about any of this yet, but after this week off I’ll know more so I can give him all the details in one go.
I just want to live a normal life, I mean lil man hasn’t even met anyone outside of me and his mum and her fiancée, that isn’t even family. He hasn’t even met the woman I love yet, she wouldn’t let him, or wouldn’t let me introduce them.
I got to the point of nearly there, then covid fucked everything up, and she went loopy about “keeping him safe” as an excuse. Then he met her new chap at the time after a couple of weeks. Double standards much?
So yeah that’s part of my life not many people knew about. I’m having to live by her double standard bullshit just so I can see my son.
Can you see why that’s one of the reasons I need to get the fuck out of dodge?
With my depression and kind ways, people have always taken advantage, that also goes with my daughters mum and sons mum taking advantage of me too.
Oh what a damn fool I was, but hey never again eh?
I’m in a happy place 90% of the time these days, soon it’ll raise a bit more as I’ve realise what a real life can be, also who I actually am, and who I want to be.
It also helps now, that the fact is, the people in my life now, family, friends and new family are peoppe I can trust. It’s taken me a very very long time to get to this stage in life, but I’m actually getting there.
Yeah I’m still in a shit ton of debt, and I’ve lost a fair few damn good friends along this winding road, but I’ve also make some amazing and awesome friends to make up for it.
The lads I work with are forever friends, when I move away they will continue to be that, we won’t loose touch and I’ll still see them.
The other bonus is, I’ll be making new friends too, but no matter what I’ll never forget about my friends I have now. They will be in my life forever.
I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my past, but also had plenty of shit thrown at me. That’s why fresh starts are exactly what they are, what they are meant to be and what they say on the tin. A FRESH start.
A new life, a new beginning, a new chapter.
I’m in a happy place, and heading into a happier place. This mew start is just a new beginning. Believe me, I’m out to take advantage of that, and I will make the most of it too.
It’s also fucking scary, it really is, I don’t know what will happen, I don’t know where I’ll be this time next year, shit I don’t even know who I’ll be, but I know I’ll be a better person for it. Mind, body and soul.
I’m determined to be happy, and happy is what I’ll be.
A new start is a new story, let’s call it something like Rob 2.0, an improvement or just someone totally new.
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