THE SANTABLOG SERIES

DAY 4

Another day closer and another days worth of Christmas spirit.

Are you feeling the joy yet? Or is it still too early? I will be honest, I’ve not been feeling it myself today.

In all honesty, I’ve not been feeling it for a long time, months and months in fact. I’m not just talking about Christmas (obviously), I mean life in general. It’s been tough for a while.

I’m not looking for sympathy, I mean it’s not just me that’s been finding life difficult pretty much everyone is finding it tough these days aren’t they?

Everything is costing so so much more aren’t they? Just a shop for a single meal is costing what a monthly shop would have a few years ago and that’s not an exaggeration. Take it this way, I went to the shop the other day just to pick up a few things to make a decent meal, just a steak (yeah I said steak and I’m complaining how much its costing, don’t judge, I did splash out for a time to lift myself up) and literally just some potatoes and veggies to spice life up a little, don’t get me wrong I got something to drink and a few little treats, but it cost a bloody fortune. 40 fucking quid later and I got myself a posh slap up meal, yeah the veggies spread over a few meals but for pretty much one meal £40 is quiet excessive, am I right? OK technically 2 because the steaks were 2 8lb steaks for £12 but they went on the same bloody plate, so that’s one meal to me.

Ok I’m a big eater for a skinny runt, what you going to do?…. That reminds me, one year I had 3 Christmas dinners on Christmas day (no shame, no regrets), I had one at home, one at my mums and one at my nans and I still had pudding ….. hey, they offered when I visited ok? Leave me alone.

Ok, now you got me off track, thanks for that.

……………….

Ok back to it, the price of stuff has risen exponentially, it’s ridiculous.

But it’s not just the cost of things (heart on my sleeve time, don’t cry) life has been tough for everyone, but for me personally it’s been rough, I been feeling alone as of late, I moved down here from my home town a few years ago, as many of my regular readers would know. I’ve not really got myself out there to make new friends, but it’s tough to make new friends these days isn’t it? Too many people are literally only out for themselves.

Living down here has been like living in a totally different world, people down here are way too chilled out and laid back compared to home and it’s been tough finding my place in it all.

Obviously I’ve made friends with work, but not really close enough to just pick up the phone and say hey let’s go for a drink, even though I know they would. I tend to hold myself back because even after all these years I still don’t fully know who I am. I don’t know where I fit in with life, in this world and that’s damn tough to explain to anyone, even myself.

I feel awkward round people, I feel like I’m the secondary character in my own story. I feel I don’t fit in anywhere, even though people always say I do, but as I said it’s difficult to explain.

I have moment of bursts in energy where I become the main character for a little while, then back into the background I go. Kind of like that new thing people talk about, importers syndrome or whatever.

That’s not anyone fault apart from mine, I lack confidence severely, I know I want that confidence and I know I can get it and know what to do with it but I can’t seem to grasp it.

I guess I’m scared to show my full potential because I don’t know if people can accept the full me. I’ve been told I’m the nicest guy in the world, but as the old saying goes ….. Nice guys finish last.

Fuck that, I don’t want to finish last, I want my confidence and I want to be accepted, or at least accept that I’ve been accepted.

The biggest critic of anyone is themselves and I’m my biggest critic ever. It’s hard to get yourself out there and feel vulnerable, but even the most confident and cocky people feel vulnerable, they just don’t let it show.

I know I need to be stronger and let myself go more and I know I can do it, I guess its time to work on myself instead of trying to keep others happy eh?

That’s going to be my thing next year, work on myself and become the person I’m meant to be, the person I want to be. I also think all of you (my readers) should do the same too.

Don’t let your fears get to you, don’t let them control you, become the best version of you that you can be, the results are limitless.

Don’t let anyone get in your way, go get what you want and what you need, become the person you dream of being, live your life to the max and let your inhibitions go and be free, be as free as you can be.

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THEPLAINANDSIMPLEGUY

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• The SantaBlog Series, Day 20. (The Small Moments That Matter)
• The SantaBlog Series, Day 19. (What Still Remains)
• The SantaBlog Series, Day 18. (How Santa Became What We Know Today)
• The SantaBlog Series, Day 17. (Christmas Is What We Choose to Be)
• The SantaBlog Series, Day 16. (Why We Still Believe in Christmas)